Mrs. Big Wig

Tomorrow is round 3 of chemo and I am hoping it does not go as badly as round 2. The treatment itself was fine, though the nurses were very busy. I am not sure if they were overbooked, but they were scurrying about trying to get everyone looked after. It was not the more relaxed atmosphere that I had the first time. One of my chemmates from the first round was there, but not anyone else I recognized, including that teenage boy I was telling you about. I often wonder how he is doing.

Even though the nurses were very busy, they were still super nice. I had two other nurses looking after me this time. I told one of them about how my sister had surprised me by shaving her head and donating her hair and she told me that she was going to do that very soon and that she has donated a couple of times before.  It made me think about how hard it must be too work in oncology, watching people they have gotten to know through so many treatments wither and pass away.  I know many people get through treatment and survive cancer, but even seeing one patient not make it through has to be really tough. I really don’t know how they do it.

When I ask to take pictures, I tell the nurses they are for a blog I am writing about my breast cancer experience. They always say go right ahead, but ask that I don’t take their picture. It is not because they want their privacy; it is because they think they are not photogenic. I used to not like having my picture taken either, but I have found if you smile big and mean it, the picture can’t help but to turn out. That being said, I didn’t get any pictures of the nurses, but one of them let me take a picture of her buttons.

Yeah! F U cancer!

I also took a picture of the syringes of epirubicin as it was being injected into my IV.

I was told that patients call it the red devil and I have changed that to red devil juice, because it reminds me of a scene in the movie Little Nicky, where Nicky tricks his brother Cassius into getting trapped in a bottle:

Nicky: Sorry, Cassius... it must be the super devil juice Dad gave me!

Cassius: SUPER DEVIL JUICE?! Gimmie that, little girl!

Nicky: Don't drink out of it, please!

(Cassius drinks out of of the flask and gets sucked inside)

Cassius: (from inside the flask) Damn you, Nicky! There ain't no super devil juice in here!

I love that movie! It is hilarious. If you have never saw Little Nicky, it is about a devil that comes to Earth to convince his brothers to return to Hell. Here is a scene, where Nicky has to learn how to eat (apparently something they don’t do in Hell):

I also took a picture of one of my other meds and asked why it had a brown bag on it. The nurse told me that it is affected by the light and that the bag is sunglasses for the drug.

After I was all finished my treatment, I got up to put my coat on and felt light-headed like I did before. Last time I thought it was because I was getting a head cold, now I know it was from the chemo. After this treatment I did not feel as well as the first time and went home and gathered my stuff together for my stay in my bedroom. I relaxed on Friday evening still feeling light-headed and felt the same the next day. Late Saturday afternoon I got a really bad headache, The only time it didn’t bother me was when I was sleeping. The Extra Strength Tylenol I took had no effect on the pain. On Sunday, I called the oncologist on call to find out what I could do to stop the pain. She told me that the headache was likely caused by the combination of the steroid and Kytril, the anti-nausea medication. She told me that I could take Advil since the Tylenol was of no help. Advil was on the list of things I shouldn’t take because of the risk of bleeding. I am guessing it was ok at that point as my pIatelets were back up and shouldn’t decrease until week after chemo. She also told me to call Dr. Bob if I still had a headache the next day.

Monday arrived and the headache was still with me. The Advil helped for maybe about an hour and then wore off. I could only take one every four hours and then not exceed three Advil in a 24 hour period. I called Dr. Bob’s office and spoke to Birdie, the nurse that works with Dr. Bob. She told me the same thing as the oncologist; the headache was likely from the steroid and Kytril and that she would talk to Dr. Bob and see if he would write me a prescription for Tylenol 3. She also said that I only have to take the steroid for one more round, because they won't be using it in my last 3 chemo cycles. Dr. Bob’s receptionist called me back later to say that Dr. Bob did not want to prescribe the Tylenol 3, to continue taking the Advil, and to call back tomorrow if I still had a headache. Tuesday arrived and the headache finally subsided. For the next couple of days I felt like the headache was right there; like it could come back at any moment.

If you recall, after the first round of chemo, I was feeling good and simply forgot to take the Kytril every 12 hours like I was supposed to, so this may be why I did not have a massive headache the first time. I had a blood test earlier this week and spoke to a nurse about possibly delaying the Kytril like I did the first time and she told me that I needed to take it every 12 hours as prescribed. I didn’t really feel nausea the after the first round when I missed taking the Kytril on time, it was more like hunger times ten with a bunch of anxiety mixed in. At this point, I am not sure what would be worse, the nausea or a splitting headache for 3 days. I think I will ask again tomorrow about delaying the Kytril. I do not want that headache again. I really empathize with you migraine sufferers. That headache was brutal.

On Monday, after my blood test, I popped into the Guardian Angel Caring Room to see what they had for head coverings.

They have lots!

I met this really nice lady who convinced me to try on a few wigs. There were a couple of reddish coloured wigs that looked okay, but then she pulled a brand new brunette wig out of a box and tried it on me. That one looked about the best, so she insisted I take it with me. She also gave me a toque, two beanies, a scarf, and a hat. When I am finished using them, I bring them back to be loaned out again.

I have tried the wig on a few times this week, but the bangs are out of control, so I sent a picture to Kendall to see if she can fix it up for me. She said she could. Here is me with the wig (unstyled, right out of the box)

I am still not sure how I feel about this wig as it is not anywhere near as comfortable as wearing a scarf or hat. I just may end up taking it back and not wearing it at all.

Here again for all of you non-facebookers are another ten hats from my Hat of the Day series:

01/11/14

Today's hat of the day is the one that started my love of hats. I bought this in the mid 80s and wore this hat out quite a bit. Royal blue is my most favourite colour to wear. 

01/12/14

Life's tough. Get a helmet.

Today's hat of the day is my derby helmet. I tried out for the league, but didn't quite make it. After badly spraining my ankle and then spraining it again 6 months later, I had to wonder if this old body could take any more abuse. Well apparently it can. I will be back better than ever and I just may put those skates on again!

01/13/14

Today's hat of the day is my most worn hat (even before I lost my hair). It is a simple lightweight pink linen cap I purchased from Zellers a couple of years ago. 

01/14/14

Today's hat of the day is courtesy of Patty Leonard. Not only did she send me a lovely red hat, but she also sent along a red feather boa to complete the picture! Thanks Patty!

01/15/14

Today's hat of the day is another oldie from the 40s or 50s that was kicking around my mom's house. I believe this one used to have a matching cape at one point.

Now who doesn't love a big pink bow?

01/16/14

Today's hat of the day is for Carreen who requested I wear I newspaper hat. This hat was created today and is made of newspaper, tape, tissue paper, and streamers. I had fun making it, well except for the part where I had to try to shape the newspaper to my head with tape while it was on my head. Do you know what it was like trying to clean the newsprint off my head after?

01/17/14

Today's hat of the day is one of origins unknown, I have hat it in a hat box for years with some others hats. I cannot recall where I got it from. It is made in the USA by Lancaster and it is 100% wool. I have paired this hat off with a vintage polka dot rain coat made in England by Horrockses Fashions.

01/18/14

Today's Hat of the Day is a black lambswool cap that I am pretty sure I picked up at a second hand shop. This hat was made by Maria's Hat Design in Winnipeg. The coat I am wearing is also from a second hand shop and made in Winnipeg by Kolchin & Boxer.

01/19/14

Aaarr Matey!!! 

Me buckos have be askin' fer me to wear a scurvy pirate hat fer Hat 'o th' Day. Here she be!

01/20/14

Today's Hat of the Day is one of my new acquisitions from CancerCare Manitoba’s Guardian Angel Caring Room. They loan wigs and head coverings free of charge. I am wearing a simple pink beanie dressed up with a sheer pastel scarf.

Last week my cousin Brenda made this wonderful video for me. I bawled my head off when I watched it the first 17 times.

Taking It All Off

Sorry for the long delay in posting. I started writing this blog while I was in round 2 of chemo and when I got home I went to bed for a few days, so it has taken me a bit to get back to this.

I decided to shave my head on New Year’s Eve after literally pulling my hair out for 2 days. It started to come out 4 days earlier but I was trying to be careful about knocking the hair off of my head. I knew it was going to go, but I needed to really adjust to the idea of losing my hair. After 2 days, it really started to fall out so I thought I would help it along. My reasoning was that if I pulled it out and made it look bad, I would look forward to getting my head shaved. Once I started pulling it out, it became an obsession. Every time I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I pulled hair out until I had a pile in the sink.

I had messaged my daughter-in-law Kendall the night my hair started to fall out to warn her that I would need her to shave my head soon and continued to let her know as I was getting closer to being ready. Once I got to the point where my hair was so thin my scalp was plainly visible, I let Kendall know I was ready. 

I made arrangements to come over in the afternoon of the 31st. When I got there Kendall let me know that my sister Georgette was on her way to lend moral support and that we should wait for her. Georgette arrived with her husband, Inderaj, and my nephew Jyoti in tow.

We had a few cameras available, so we took many pictures.

I am seated and we are about to begin. You can see how thin my hair is.

Kendall starts the clippers and begins to shave.

 Earlier I asked her to take it down to a length where we could shave a message into my hair before we took it right off.

The first letter... It's an F!

Yes, that is what you think it is.

FUCK CANCER

My hair's last statement before it leaves until summer.

There we go! Right down to the wood now.

You can very visible see the bump on my forehead.  I like to think I am really a unicorn and am in metamorphosis. Really it is called an osteoma and it is a bone growth much like getting a mole on your skin. I was supposed to have it chiseled off, but they never got back to me with a surgery date. This bump used to bother me now it seems pretty insignificant.

All done!

My head feels really strange. I can't stop touching it.

This is me with my new hair!

No wait...

It's Georgette sharing her hair with me. What a good sister!

I was still sitting in the chair when Georgette tells me to move because she wants to get her hair cut. I get up and start playing with my phone because I wanted to take a picture of my new chrome dome. I was oblivious to what was happening. This is actually really common these days; I know what "chemo brain" is now. For those of you that have never heard the term, it is what happens to you after you have chemo. I find now that things I used to do automatically I have to think about. If I don't than odd things occur, like putting sour cream in the entire container of borscht that happened to be on the same counter as the bowl you wanted to put it in or walking into rooms to see cupboard doors or drawers left open because you forgot to close them. The other thing I have noticed is that I constantly am dropping things all of the time. I recently knocked the box of my brand new Christmas gift of noodle bowls off the counter and broke one of them. I didn't even get them out of the box yet.

Back to the story, I heard Kendall say, "She is not even paying attention.” I turned to see Kendall cutting off Georgette’s ponytail. 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!?!” Georgette responded that she was donating her ponytail. Ok, but now I am thinking, how in the heck is Kendall going to fix Georgette’s hair? It was cut so close to her head.

The next thing I know Kendall is running the shears up Georgette’s head. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!?!!!” I am absolutely beside myself. I realize that Georgette is shaving her head for me. I start bawling. I am completely overwhelmed. 

I cannot believe she did this for me. I am crying now as I write this. I am still overwhelmed by what she did. This is actually why I stopped writing this blog in chemotherapy. I didn’t want be bawling in front of my chemmates (rhymes with teammates, I just invented this word, so I have something to call my chemo roommates or anyone else who is going through chemo with me).

After Georgette’s head is shaved, I cannot get over how good she looks bald and I am not sure how many times I told her that. She is absolutely beautiful, both inside and out!

Suddenly having no hair is kind of strange, you certainly do scare yourself when you walk past a mirror; it just looks so different. A few days after, Georgette posted this status on Facebook:

Things I have learned as a bald person. 1. Place your toque carefully because it's very hard to adjust after (hair stubble is just like Velcro). 2. Of your hands are cold just place them onto your head for instant warmth. 3. If you move too fast your head will feel the breeze. 4. When buying a toque with a lining make sure the layers are sewn together, see 1. 5. Doing your hair involves checking for lint. LMAO!!

I do wear a hat around the house most of the time as my head is usually cold. I have also noticed that the stubble I have is falling out as well and I have stopped shaving my legs as nothing is really growing any more. I must say, without hair your shower time is shortened considerably and so is your getting ready time. I think I spend more time trying to figure out what hat to wear. Can I get away with just one hat or do I need an indoor hat and an outdoor hat? 

Immediately after shaving my head, I started thinking about what hats I would wear and all this thinking about hats inspired me to create “Hat of the Day”. Since January 1^st, I have been posting a picture on Facebook of myself wearing a different hat every day. I have been having a lot of fun doing this and I am surprised at the response to it. People have been posting the most wonderful things and I have had hats sent to me. For you non-facebookers, here are the first ten pictures and captions from Hat of the Day.

01/01/14

Happy New Year Everyone! 

I have discovered that I own many hats so I thought I would share them with you. Today's hat of the day is from the year 2000. It was a have to have purchase. I wore this to the 2000 Grey Cup in Calgary. No, the Bombers weren't there but my good friends were.

01/02/14

Today's hat is one I believe I picked up from a thrift store some years ago. The label says it was made by the Canadian Hat Mfg. Corp. It is dyed muskrat and wool. It was rather snug before and now that I have no hair it fits perfectly.

01/03/14

Aren't I adorable?

Today's Hat or the Day or as my friend Kelly likes to call it HOTD, (I like that! It is like "HOT Damn! That's a fine looking hat!") is my winter go-to hat. I bought this for 10 dollars at Canadian Tire a couple of months ago. I was so happy to see it in an adult size.

 01/04/14

Today's Hat of Day is a wonderful toque knitted for me by my good friend April. I wear this hat around the house and to bed to keep my bald head warm. I am accompanied by my furry companion Xena. Xena is a rescue dog and a great cuddler. It may be hard to see in this photo but we are snuggled in a blankie knitted by another good friend Bess.

01/05/14

Today's hat of the day is one I bought so many years ago I don't even remember a thing about the purchase or where I have worn it. One thing I can tell you is that every time I put it on I start singing Karma Chameleon by Culture Club. This hat does not actually have a dog on the brim, that's just Juno wondering why Boy George is in her house.

01/06/14

Today's hat of the day I bought around 1995. I used to wear big bangly silver earrings when I wore this hat out. Today I have opted for a tougher look. 

I want to thank all of the wonderful people who have participated in the Breast Cancer Pledge Ride. I have benefited directly from their support of Manitoba CancerCare projects. 

Keep ridin'!

01/07/14

Today's hat of the day is from the 1940s. It is one of a few I bought from an estate sale. I have kept it nestled in a box for many years and today is actually the first time I have worn it.

 01/08/14

heer up! The cold snap is almost over!

Today's hat of the day are two hats. One is a bomber hat that I likely picked up at Zellers and underneath that is a balaclava, a must have for any Manitoban wanting to spend time outside in the winter. My balaclava is a Dakota Dri Release Pro Multitasker balaclava. It keeps your face warm and dry while you are out searching for that elusive geocache. This balaclava was a gift from my sons, Kari and Kalyn. Thanks boys!

01/09/14

Ivy Arlene was born in the cabbage patch on January 9th.

Today's hat of the day was a gift from Pamela and was hand made by Michelle Mayo Hewitt. You ladies are so wonderful and thoughtful, the hat is beautiful and I cannot thank you enough!!!

01/10/14

Today's hat of the day was a Christmas gift I received several years ago from my dear cousin Desiree. This lovely hat comes with a matching set of gloves to keep you toasty warm. Thanks Des!