Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Today, I had a blood test and then an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Bob. The blood test was done in the chemo room and not downstairs in the lab as it was during my initial visit here. I was seated in a treatment room the same as when I was there for chemo. They used my port to take my blood and it was quick and relatively painless. I like that I do not have to worry about them hitting the vein properly. When I was leaving the treatment room, the teen who was one of my chemo roommates 2 weeks ago arrived. He was completely bald except for a few little tufts of hair. He looked a little more worn out as well. My heart went out to that kid. He should be out snowboarding and hanging with his friends.

After the blood test, Dave and I headed downstairs for my appointment. When Dr. Bob walked in and saw my hair, he smiled big and said “Wow!” and then asked if the hair was still mine. I told him yes, but it was starting to fall out. He said, “I don’t want to sound like a mean guy, but it is good your hair is falling out.” He told me that if it wasn’t, he would be worried that my body was metabolizing the medication too fast. He asked how things went and I told him I neglected to take the Kytril after the treatment. He gave me heck, “You have to take it. You want to keep your head out of the toilet.” Don’t worry, I learned my lesson. I won’t be forgetting  the Kytril next time.

Dr. Bob then asked to see how my lumpectomy was doing. I always find this part funny, me holding my shirt up while Dr. Bob checks out my breast and talks about how well it is healing. “And how about those Jets?” No, I am kidding about the Jets, but that is what it feels like to me; everyone is sitting around having a regular conversation and no one notices that some guy has his hand on my boob, not even me.  After the exam, Dr. Bob told me my blood count was still a little low, but it should be back up by Friday for the next round of chemo. He said they would check my blood again before treatment to make sure.  

I know the title of this blog, Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow seems kind of hokey, but it is fitting for what has been happening to me lately. Ever since I started chemo, just over two weeks ago, I have been testing to see if any hair would come out if I pulled on it. Last Thursday night, strands started coming out in my fingers. Tonight, I can pull out an entire piece.

I think tomorrow may be the day I shave it, before it really starts dropping off and my house looks like a Cookie Monster murder scene.  For as much as I have done to prepare myself for losing my hair, shaving my head is going to be tough. My hair is pretty short and I cut off a lot more than I am about to lose, but I can still look in the mirror and not be reminded that I am sick. Once my hair is gone, every time I look in the mirror, I will see that I am being treated for cancer. I often wonder if I am handling everything this well because I am in denial. It has been months since I received the diagnosis, but it still does not seem real. Even with a piece missing from my breast, a foreign object called a port residing under my skin, and my want to lie around all day, I still feel like everything is ok. Is that denial? Well, if it is, than I guess I will stay on the denial train, because it works. I am going to be bald soon and even though it really isn’t my choice, I have often wondered what it would be like. I think I am going to try and embrace my baldness. If being bald means I get to live, then who the hell needs hair, right?

I miss chatting with you, Sam. I hope you and the raccoons are sitting in the sunshine enjoying the view. Thanks for leaving us your music to remember you by.