Any Port in a Storm?

Tomorrow I get my port inserted and I am definitely nervous. Not as nervous as I was before the lumpectomy, but nervous nonetheless.  A good friend of mine had her lung nicked during this very same day surgery and ended up in emergency later that night. She told me was scarred up pretty badly from the tube they put in at the ER. I am sure hoping my surgeon has a steady hand tomorrow.

Even though I know what happened to my friend, I still want a port over an IV for the delivery of chemo; My right hand is still sore from my vein collapsing over a week ago getting an injection for the MUGA scan. Earlier this week, I could barely use it and had to try and do things with my weaker left hand. I cannot even imagine getting 6 rounds of chemo in that hand. Tomorrow they are going to have to find somewhere else to put the IV for surgery.  I asked my mom about her port and she said she preferred it over having the IV in her hand as she did for her first cycle of chemo. She also had no issues with the insertion or with the port’s removal.

I still have not heard when chemo will begin, but I am sure I will hear this week. And once I hear I am sure I will be a nervous wreck about the first round. I am really hoping that the chemo does not kick my ass too badly and that I do not have too many side effects from all of the drugs I am about to take. My mother tolerated chemo really well, so I am hoping I do too.

On a brighter note, I have started looking at colours for my hair. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and knew that one of the side effects was the loss of my hair, it upset me. Well, it upset me after all of the other thoughts I had about death. I pictured handfuls of my long hair coming off my head. I thought, “Fuck you cancer! You are not taking my hair. I AM!” I decided to do 3 haircuts prior to beginning chemo. The first one would be a short hairstyle, the second even shorter, and the third I would colour my hair an unconventional colour and shorten it even further. I figured this may ease me into my hair loss.

I had originally thought I would dye my hair a bright pink, but have since been swayed after looking at photos of the different hair colours available. I am leaning towards a peacock green or turquoise, but we will see. My daughter-in-law, who is a stylist, told me that we will have to see how light my hair turns out after the bleaching before the colour.  I am excited!